User blog:Da Nerd/Vacation S1E2: Hotel Issues
Hotel Issues is episode 2 of season 1 of the blog series Vacation. Summary The gang find out that the hotel room's not really as they initially thought it would be and attempt to find another hotel. While Suds, Simon and Toph figure this out, the 2 shippings left decide to get down to business. Transcript *''The alarm clocks in all 3 rooms ring simultaneously, reading 10:00. Da Nerd wakes up instantly and turns it off, the same with Suds, meanwhile Tanner and Ponyo are too tired to care and let it continue to ring. After about 12 rings, Suds finally gets up and turns off the Tanner/Ponyo alarm. He then goes back to the couch and lies back down.'' *''Da Nerd gets up and goes into the kitchen, leaving Desu to sleep. He opens a bag and finds a box of cereal.'' *'Da Nerd:' Hey, Suds; can I eat this cereal? *'Suds:' Yeah sure, whatever. Take whatever you want, except for Simon's Snickers bars. He seems to have some sort of obsession with them -- I don't know. *'Da Nerd:' Okay. *''Da Nerd also takes a bowl from the stack on the counter and pours to about half the bowl. He then looks around and finds a tray of plastic silverware. He takes a spoon, puts it in the bowl, and walks back to his room. He sits down on the chair there, reaching for the remote with the bowl of cereal on the armrest. He turns on the TV, which is so loud it wakes everyone up.'' *'Desu:' Oh hey Da Nerd. groans What time is it? *'Da Nerd:' About 10:06. *'Desu:' Ugh. *''Desu falls back asleep.'' *''Meanwhile, Tanner walks into the Da Nerd/Desu room.'' *'Tanner:' Can you turn that shit down, Nerd!? We're trying to sleep! *'Da Nerd:' Sorry. *''Da Nerd turns down the volume to 4.'' *'Tanner:' Thanks. *''Tanner sleepily walks back to his room and lies back down on his bed with Ponyo.'' *'Ponyo:' Good morning, Laz. *'Tanner:' Oh, you're awake? *'Ponyo:' You were good last night. *'Tanner:' So were you. *''The scene switches back to Da Nerd. The only channel on the TV is Pellville Local News.'' *'Da Nerd:' Ugh. *'News Anchor:' ...a community-powered SpongeBob fan site has lost many of its vital members. The users on the site worry that these members may have gone missing. If you see any of the following people, please contact 89-PEL-NEWS. *''The screen begins switching between pictures of the gang. Da Nerd turns the TV off, unaware.'' *'Da Nerd:' Wait... *''He turns the TV back on, which fades to more pictures of the gang.'' *'Da Nerd:' That's us. *''Da Nerd walks out of his room to the couch gang, who are all awake.'' *'Da Nerd:' Guys, turn on the TV. *'Suds:' remote Kay. What channel? *'Da Nerd:' The only one on there. *''Suds turns on the TV. It briefly shows one of the pictures of the gang, then goes back to the news anchor, who begins a new story.'' *'Suds:' What? *'Simon:' Yeah, what did you want us to see so badly? *'Da Nerd:' Wait, come into my room. *''The couch gang obey, and Da Nerd's room becomes crowded. Da Nerd rewinds the TV.'' *'News Anchor:' ...see any of the following people, please contact 89-PEL-NEWS. *''The TV restarts the switching of the pictures of the gang.'' *'Toph:' Wait. That's us! *'Da Nerd:' Yeah! *''Desu wakes up again.'' *'Desu:' Guys, will you shut the--whoa, wait, is that us!? *'Da Nerd:' Yeah! *'Desu:' DESU! *''Da Nerd turns off the TV.'' *'Toph:' They think we're missing? *'Da Nerd:' Apparently. *'Simon:' Wow. *'Desu:' Okay, what does it matter? *'Da Nerd:' I dunno. It could be useful to know later. Suds, hand me that notepad and pen. *''Suds sees a notepad on a nightstand, with a pen right beside. He hands both to Da Nerd.'' *''Da Nerd jots down a quick unseen note and places the notepad and pen on the dresser beside him.'' *'Toph:' Should we tell Ponyo and Laz? *'Da Nerd:' Let's let them wake up first... *''In the silence, a barely audible moan and thumping is heard.'' *'Desu:' Yeah, I think they're awake. *'Da Nerd:' Alright, let's go. *''They walk over to the Tanner/Ponyo door. Da Nerd shushes the gang and silently opens the door. He walks in and creeps over to the bed. Sure enough, they are "making love". Da Nerd gets right up close to Ponyo.'' *'Da Nerd:' Boo. *''Ponyo and Tanner both scream and instantly stop fucking.'' *'Tanner:' DUDE! *'Ponyo:' WHAT THE FUCK. *''Da Nerd laughs.'' *'Ponyo:' IT'S NOT FUNNY, YOU LITTLE PERV. *'Tanner:' YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF US. *''The gang all come into the room, laughing their asses off.'' *'Ponyo:' Alright, well at least let us get our clothes back on. Then we'll come out there and see what kinda shit you needed us for to make us stop. *''The gang stay standing there.'' *'Ponyo:' Go! *''The gang run out the door, Da Nerd being the last and closing the door behind him.'' *'Toph:' Oh my God! *'Da Nerd:' That was fucking hilarious! *'Simon:' I know! *''Desu just chuckles.'' *''In the midst of the laughter, no one notices the cockroach on the wall.'' *''When the laughter subsides, Suds finally notices.'' *'Suds:' Wai-wai-wait, guys look! *''The gang look in the direction Suds is pointing and notice the cockroach. A few stifle a scream.'' *'Da Nerd:' Guys, don't panic. Let's just kill it. *''Da Nerd looks around and finds a broom in a half-open door. He gets the broom out and holds the handle up to the cockroach. He squishes it with the handle.'' *'Toph:' Where did it come from? *'Simon:' There's probably a lot more. $10 a night hotels usually aren't that sanitary. *'Toph:' Dude! I put you in charge of the hotel hunting to make sure you would get a good hotel! *'Simon:' Well Da Nerd wasn't here, so I didn't have enough money! Everyone needed to pitch in! *'Da Nerd:' Well, sor - ry! *'Suds:' Ugh, guys let's just forget it and find another hotel. *'Toph:' Alright. *''Ponyo and Tanner finally come out of their room, fully clothed, hair messed up.'' *'Tanner:' Alright, so what'd you need us for so badly? *'Toph:' Never mind. We're gonna go hotel hunting. *'Ponyo:' Uh... how? *'Toph:' Well, I assume we're going laptop, right? *''The gang mutter in agreement.'' *'Toph:' Yeah, we're gonna use the laptop. *'Tanner:' Alright, just let me log out. *'Da Nerd:' Why? So we don't see your furry porn? *'Tanner:' That, and Violet's solo porn. *''Ponyo slaps Tanner on the wrist.'' *'Ponyo:' breath ''You weren't supposed to tell anyone about that! *'Toph:' Okay, well anyways, do you wanna help us go hotel hunting? *'Tanner:' That sounds boring. *'Ponyo:' Yeah. *'Toph:' Okay, then just us five. *'Da Nerd:' You mean three. Desu and I have some... things... to do. *''Tanner can't help but burst out in laughter. He soon shuts up. *'Tanner:' Sorry. *'Toph:' Okay, guys. Let's go. *''Toph opens the laptop.'' *'Tanner:' Wait, I still need to log out! *'Toph:' Oh yeah. Here. *''Tanner logs out.'' *'Tanner:' Okay, just click Guest. *'Toph:' Okay. *''Toph obeys, and Da Nerd and Desu go into their room.'' *'Ponyo:' Tanner So what are we gonna do? *'Tanner:' We could always get smexy. *''Ponyo considers this for a second.'' *'Ponyo:' Yeah, okay. Let's finish up. *''They go into their room.'' *''Scene cuts to Da Nerd and Desu. Da Nerd turns off the TV and gets in bed with Desu.'' *'Da Nerd:' So, do you actually wanna do it this time? Or are you still too tired? *'Desu:' Give me like 15 minutes, okay? I just wanna wake up. *'Da Nerd:' Okay. *''Da Nerd gets out his phone and goes on Facebook. Desu does the same.'' *''Da Nerd then closes Facebook and opens his Notepad app. He opens "SBFW Vacation Journal" and types, "Hotel room doesn't look too good. Toph, Suds and Simon are going hotel hunting, while Desu and I are about to have our very first time ;)"'' *''He then instantly closes Notepad, and opens Tumblr by accident. He then shuts off his phone and puts it on top of his jeans on the chair.'' *''He lies in bed, then glances over at Desu's phone. He sees that she is texting someone.'' *'Da Nerd:' Who are you texting? *'Desu:' Someone, never mind. *''Da Nerd gets a closer look and sees "<3" punctuating every sentence.'' *'Da Nerd:' What the hell? Why are you sending hearts to this guy? *'Desu:' It's my girl from back home, now stop. *'Da Nerd:' Okay, sorry. *''Da Nerd lies back down.'' *''Soon, Desu shuts off her phone and puts it on the dresser.'' *'Desu:' Okay, I'm ready. *'Da Nerd:' Okay. *''Da Nerd takes off his glasses and puts them on the chair. He then also takes off his shorts and boxers, while Desu undresses as well.'' *'Da Nerd:' First time? *'Desu:' Yeah. *'Da Nerd:' Same. *'Desu:' I know some stuff, though. *'Da Nerd:' Same. *'Desu:' Alright, let's do it. *''As they begin getting smexy, the scene transitions to Tanner and Ponyo doing the same.'' *'Ponyo:' OH GOD THAT HURTS SO GOOD *'Tanner:' I don't even know if it's in! *'Ponyo:' NEVER MIND THAT I FEEL SO GOOD RIGHT NOW JUST KEEP DOING WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING *'Tanner:' Okay. *''The scene then transitions to the couch gang. Toph is on the laptop, Googling "hotels in pellville". Suds and Simon are in chairs to the left and right of him. He clicks on the first link, which is an advertisement.'' *'Simon:' No, go back. That's an ad. *'Toph:' Oh, right. *''Toph clicks the back button and scrolls down. He skims through the search results and finds "List of inexpensive hotels in Pellville".'' *'Suds:' Click that! *''Toph obeys, and a huge list pops up, preceded by a piece of text reading, "This is a list of inexpensive hotels in Pellville. Click the arrows on the headers to sort list." Toph first sorts the list by price. The first one on the list is the hotel they are already in, Pellville Hotel. The one right below, listed at the same price, is The Other Pellville Hotel. The one below that, only a dollar more each night, is Karberht Residence. Toph then sorts it by quality. Karberht Residence is at the top now. He then sorts it by room number. Karberht Residence is yet again at the top, with 4 rooms. Finally, he sorts it by convenience. Karberht Residence is now listed as second, Pellville Hotel being first.'' *'Toph:' I think it's settled. We're going to Karberht! *''The gang simultaneously yell out a "yeah".'' *''Suds knocks on Tanner/Ponyo's door and Simon Da Nerd/Desu's.'' *'Tanner and Da Nerd:' GO AWAY! *''Thumping and moaning are now audible from both rooms, as the gang had not noticed it before.'' *'Toph:' We should leave them alone. *'Suds:' Yeah. *'Simon:' Okay, let's go down to the dining area. I think they serve lunch and dinner there, so let's get lunch. *'Toph:' Or, you know, we could always get McDonald's. *''There is a moment of silence, with added thumping and moaning.'' *''The scene cuts to them in one car at a McDonald's driveway.'' *'Cashier:' speaker ''Hello, welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order? *'Toph:' ''seat Yeah, can I get a hamburger with everything on it? Suds and Simon What do you guys want? *'Suds:' seat, right Cheeseburger plain. *'Simon:' seat, left Hamburger plain and an apple pie. *'Toph:' I don't think I have enough money for an apple pie, sorry. *'Simon:' That's okay. *'Toph:' Alright, I'm also gonna need a plain cheeseburger, a plain hamburger and a medium fries. Wait, make that a large fries. *'Cashier:' Will that be all? *'Toph:' Yes. *'Cashier:' Okay, your total is $4.09. Please pull up to the next window. *''Toph obeys and rustles around in his pocket. He finds a $5 bill. At the next window, he hands the cashier the bill and recieves his 91 cents of change. The cashier closes the window and soon after returns with a bag. She hands the bag to Toph.'' *'Cashier:' Thanks, have a great day. *'Toph:' You too. *''Toph drives away.'' *''Meanwhile, at the hotel, Tanner and Ponyo have finished their smexy. They walk out of the room.'' *'Ponyo:' Where'd they go? *''They hear Da Nerd and Desu finishing off and chuckle. They sit down on the couch, waiting. A few moments later, Da Nerd and Desu come out of their room, roughed up.'' *'Tanner:' So how was your first time? *'Da Nerd:' Meh. *''Desu slaps Da Nerd.'' *'Da Nerd:' Ow. Hey, where's the couch gang? *'Ponyo:' I dunno. *'Desu:' Well, it's lunchtime. They probably got lunch for themselves, those greedy bastards. *''Toph, Simon and Suds come bursting through the door with a McDonald's bag.'' *'Tanner:' Speak of the devils. *'Da Nerd:' Wait, you brought us stuff this time? Wow. *'Toph:' Oh yeah! I forgot. These are just our wrappers. We'll use this as a trash can. *'Simon:' Oh yeah, and we found a way better hotel, Karberht. We're gonna go check it out tonight. Wanna come? *'Da Nerd:' Okay. *'Tanner:' Sure. *'Ponyo:' Yeah. *'Desu:' Okay. *'Simon:' Cool. *'Da Nerd:' And you really didn't have to worry about us and lunch and all. *'Tanner:' Yeah, we did plenty of eating already. *''Da Nerd, Ponyo and Desu look at Tanner concerningly for a few moments.'' *'Desu:' Anyways... *'Da Nerd:' Yeah. *'Tanner:' This episode's already way longer than it should have been. *''ends'' Category:Blog posts Category:Vacation (series) Category:Episodes